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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28008405">She Means Everything to Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/intergalxtic/pseuds/intergalxtic'>intergalxtic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Firebringer - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Diary/Journal, F/F, Light Angst, Pre-Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:21:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28008405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/intergalxtic/pseuds/intergalxtic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I haven’t been sleeping, I’m beginning to lose my appetite. Something must be wrong with me, if I feel this way. I shouldn’t be so upset to see Zazzalil with other people, yet here I am. I wonder if telling her would ease my mind?</em>
</p>
<p> <em>No, definitely not. She’ll laugh at me, because she would never love me back.<em></em></em></p>
<p>Zazzalil reads the paragraphs over and over again in shock, wondering if she made a mistake. It is like a light switch in her mind, illuminating a part she’d never uncovered before. So many realisations, possibilities, but only one is coherent.</p>
<p>
  <em> I’m in love with you too. <em></em></em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jemilla &amp; Zazzalil (Firebringer), Jemilla/Zazzalil (Firebringer)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>She Means Everything to Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If there is one thing Jemilla couldn’t live without, it’s her journal. She writes in it all the time. Thoughts, lists, anything really. She has filled up many, many notebooks and diaries throughout her childhood and well into her adulthood. It’s convenient, she finds. She takes it to work every day. Except today. The one day she doesn’t take it, and she doesn’t realise the stakes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll see you later!” Emberly calls out, closing the door gently behind her. Zazzalil is the only person in the house, a rare occasion everyone either has plans or is at work. Normally she would hang out with Keeri, however, she’s gone too. She wanders aimlessly around the house until she gets hungry. She’s breezing into the kitchen when something catches her eye. Jemilla’s journal, on the dining table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zazzalil is always getting in trouble, anyone could tell you. Breaking something was often the cause; vases, glasses and plates slipped through her fingers. All throughout school, she rarely handed her work in on time, pulling bullshit at every chance possible. Some of her most notorious pranks were done in the hallways of high school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>However, no matter how many times she’s been in trouble, nothing will ever feel as dangerous as what she’s about to do. She shakily picks up the journal, letting it fall open to the most recent page. She only expected some stupid list, or some event planning. Her jaw dropped to the floor when she read the title. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Zazzalil”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She predicts it’s a list of reasons why Jemilla hates her, but boy was she wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know why I feel the way I do. I’ve never been good with my own feelings, and this feels entirely different from anything else I’ve felt in my whole life. So complicated yet simple, so heart-warming, soul-crushing. No matter how difficult the equation may be, the one thing I know for sure, is that I am in love with Zazzalil. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I know I shouldn’t; I can’t help it. I’m not sure when I fell, it was more of a sudden realisation. I was at work and had just received a phone call from the hospital. Zazzalil had been injured. I thought I would get there and give her a lecture. She had only broken her leg, so she had needed surgery for it. When she woke up, I almost cried. Seeing her lying there, it woke something in me. Breaking a bone isn’t a major injury, but I felt so helpless. I wanted to fix her, help her get back to normal.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Looking back on it now, it was obvious, from the beginning. I misinterpreted my emotions, I thought I hated her. I never did, I never could. I care too much. That’s why I’m so protective, I guess. I don’t want her to get hurt, not if I can do something about it, because she means everything to me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She’s so carefree about everything, from split-second decisions and plans on the fly. Spontaneity, full of new ideas, sometimes dangerous ideas. As hard as I can try, I can’t control someone like her, I can’t tie her down. Perhaps it’s a good thing. Being lazy and free makes her happy, and that’s all I want her to be. (Although, doing some chores would be appreciated.)</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not only her attitude that’s carefree, it’s her appearance too. Her frizzy hair that never seems to be brushed suits her so well. I wish she didn’t hide behind such baggy clothes most of the time, as I know how muscular and strong she is. Her smile is so beautiful, so charming and endearing. Selfishly, I want to kiss her, to adore her, give her the love she deserves. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I haven’t been sleeping, I’m beginning to lose my appetite. Something must be wrong with me, if I feel this way. I shouldn’t be so upset to see Zazzalil with other people, yet here I am. I wonder if telling her would ease my mind?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No, definitely not. She’ll laugh at me, because she would never love me back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zazzalil reads the paragraphs over and over again in shock, wondering if she made a mistake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m in love with Zazzalil.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m in love with Zazzalil.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What has she done? There is no denying. Jemilla… type-A, uptight, obnoxious, kind, caring, Jemilla loves her? Her heart races so fast that her chest aches, staring blankly at the book. She had never thought of it that way. It is like a light switch in her mind, illuminating a part she’d never uncovered before. So many realisations, possibilities, but only one is coherent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m in love with you too.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slams the book shut, squeezing it in her trembling hand. She feels both empty and full; enlightened and confused. Then the door lock clicks, swinging open to reveal Jemilla, returning from work. Zazzalil watches her eyes widen with dread.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You… you didn’t read that, did you?” she asks, quiet as the night. Zazzalil felt guilt punch her in the gut as she registered Jemilla’s fear,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Zazzalil fibs without hesitation. “You left it out, I was going to return it to your room.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, good. Thanks.” Relief spreads across her face. She bought the lie, thank god. She struts right over and snatches it out of her hand, strangely protective. Although not strange anymore, Zazzalil thinks. Now she knows why she’s so shielding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Jemilla can never know that she knows. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope y'all enjoyed!!</p>
<p>feel free to leave kudos and a comment, they are much appreciated.</p>
<p>send me a fic request on tumblr!! (same username)</p>
<p>thank you :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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